Everything’s Not Lost

art by Marion Draws

“…if you ever feel neglected
and if you think that all is lost…” – Coldplay

I love this song.

When I feel neglected, it boils down to neglecting myself.
When I feel light, it comes from a place of self-love.
How is my internal dialogue going? 👍👎
Because my interactions with the outside world will be filtered through my self-talk. Am I in a mindset of insecurity and anxiety? Or did I fill my own love-tank today? Success or failure start before I get out of bed in the morning. What am I telling myself this day will be?

When it’s time to sleep for the night, I use a “secret weapon” and strategically position myself for waking up. This secret weapon is listening to positive affirmation sleep meditations on YouTube. I’m getting unbelievable and undeniable results. Once I added this trick to my toolbox, I began waking up happier and with less dread. Reprogramming my mind in my sleep is a real thing, guys.

With the meditation teaching me it’s safe to engage in the present and with medication controlling my racing thoughts, I am now in a position to engage in my life. I got behind the wheel. I’m here to say, it feels good and you can try it too.

I FINALLY got ahead of my anxiety and depression; for now, for the most part. It will at some point cycle back, another flashback will come, more layers of my trauma will be peeled back as I do this heavy lifting. Reminding myself that it’s a cycle strategically prepares me for it, I’m still caught off guard but not knocked over. Reminding myself that I can welcome these feelings as normal human experience also helps. Every human experiences some anxiety and depression, so no need to panic. Instead, I can roll out the welcome mat with boundaries for their presence in my life. Rolling out the welcome mat may sound crazy, but those feelings are here whether invited or not, so I’ll set the tone for their presence in my mind. “Yes, anger and disgust you are welcome here. Please tell me what you need? Ok, now that we’ve acknowledged that we are going back to a state of peace now. Thank you for your contribution.” When they come I’ll do my best to see them as tools; I may not want the broken bits in life, but problems happen and repairs are possible. Anxiety, depression, flashbacks are like road flares showing me hidden things that need to be seen. And they are a normal part of human experience.

HOW? How in the world can I actually put this ideal into practice when panic attacks or flashbacks come? Two words: radical acceptance. This article is great place to start. In addition to radical acceptance, I have some daily tools that have changed me for the better.

  • Life Tools I Use:
  • Journaling
  • art journaling with oil pastels
  • crying
  • texting the crisis line to self-regulate when my feelings are too big (text 741741),
  • going to therapy
  • meditating
  • listening to positive affirmations on YouTube
  • utilizing THC to regulate my anxiety, depression, and racing thoughts.
  • being in nature
  • investing time in my hobbies
  • investing time in my future and my business

These life tools are transforming me from a victim to a thriver. Maybe as you were reading my list, something caught your interest? Feel free to move forward with exploring any options that pique your curiosity. Let the whisper of adventure entice you into your new or existing hobbies. A cliché is getting thrown at you now: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

I could sit here and feel ashamed of myself for the areas I fall short – but I’ve hated myself long enough.

Lyn Slater, the Accidental Icon

I HAVE HATED MYSELF LONG ENOUGH.
Can you whisper it? Shout it? Cry it? Scream it? Own it?
Have you felt a nudge over the years to try this, travel there, write a book, try modeling? If you think that’s a joke look at Grandma Moses, who began her famous painting career at age 78! Or the Accidental Icon who was so in touch with her own style, the crowds just KNEW she was somebody. She’s all of us – and she got her big moment and she grabbed that momentum and she built herself an empire at the age of 64. Here I am “only” 41 years old and I finally have the keys in the ignition of my life and I’m finally ready to drive this puppy. Oh I got this. I have determination, surrender, and a new attitude. I’m working toward the future, having shed most of my past – I hope, and if not I have the tools I need to face each giant, each valley, each flood and each fire. I am unstoppable now and I’ll keep my toolbox handy. My gas tank runs on self-love, and it needs to be refilled daily. That’s my secret.

I opened with a Coldplay song, and I’ll bring it back to that now.

“…everything’s not lost.”

I can make you a promise. A solid promise. An “I risk my reputation on it” promise. I promise that you can roll with these waves tossing you. I promise that you can look up. I promise that you can stand. Everything’s not lost. With some tweaks and changes to how we speak to ourselves, we can thrive and embrace life and embrace ourselves.

Thank you for stopping by today. Thank you for reading these words. Get ready, my book is coming!

Talk to you soon, self-love warriors.

Published by Surthrivor

Surthrivor: a survivor who takes control of their own recovery.

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